Joy Ignites Success

OH NO. I am becoming just like my mom.

By - Thursday, September 08, 2016

Are you afraid of becoming your mother?


I have heard that the fear of public speaking trumps the fear of death (not true for me, but still…). In my experience, for women, what trumps both is the fear of becoming our mother.
I know I had this fear for the first thirty years of my life. It still pops up when I look in the mirror and see her face looking back at me. For the most part, the fear left in one miraculous moment when my mother was yelling at the neighbor kids for playing in the alley. In that one moment, I got it. I was not my mother. And would probably never be her. The freedom I felt in that recognition was monumental.
At a retreat with Hale Dwoskin, in Sedona, some years ago, he made this comment: Your parents are the building blocks for all your suffering- you are either tying to be just like them, or nothing like them, and neither way is free.
When we consciously or unconsciously living in fear of becoming mom (or dad), we are living in resistance. You’ve probably heard the expression “what you resist, persist”, which means in all the trying not to become mom, you become more like mom.
So, what do you do if the fear is real?

1.    Take an inventory of the ways you really are like mom.
2.    Take another inventory of the ways you are different.
3.    Let go of any aversion or attachment to the things on your inventories.
4.    Do a holistic release: “I’m just like my mother/I’m nothing like my mother.”
5.    Appreciate your mother for who she is as best you can.
6.    Appreciate yourself for who you are as best you can.
7.    Continue the practice of paying attention, becoming conscious of the resistance and releasing!

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Melanie Smithson Institute is dedicated to enriching lives through embodied education and training; using movement, play and releasing to connect with innate wisdom and joy.  

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